I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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