About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i think i have two assholes
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
