The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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