we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
