I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
