So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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