too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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