uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
