Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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