I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
