i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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