The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
