I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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