yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
