after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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