is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the day after is always just damage control
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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