Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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