Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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