I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
