I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
