no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
