Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
