She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
