you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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