You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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