"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
