maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
