Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
