Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
