What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
