You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
