It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
