I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
