i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
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Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
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he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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