Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
