You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
