The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Did I show you my penis last night?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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