I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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