You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
