So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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