someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize