i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
