wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
