I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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