In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
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