yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
