Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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