if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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