I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
