we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
