Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
