you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize