Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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