this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
