why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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