Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
